What is the most inappropriate experience you have had with a friend's daughter?

A few months later her dad asked if I’d be willing to take her to a dance. I did.

At 18 I was friends with an older couple from church. Their oldest kid, a daughter, was 13.

Maybe it’s cause I just wish I had another chance to see her, and am confessing my guilt about not being able to save her.

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He worked offshore, so somehow I got asked to escort her to a ‘father/daughter’ banquet. I did.

She begged a little, but I said no. I even joked that her dad would kill me if he found out.

Especially another month later when her parents told everyone at church about her cancer diagnosis.

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I said it was also cause I loved her like a little sister and didn’t want her hurt in any way.

I spent a lot more time with her after I was finally told.

I eventually told her mom about what she had asked me and had wanted us to do, after a few months. She just laughed and hugged me, and told me I handled it really well. Then she cried on my shoulder and told me she had no idea how to relate to what her daughter must be thinking or feeling.

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The world is a much more horrible place without her in it.

But I do regret not being mature and intelligent enough to deal with it better and avoid upsetting her, and then missing a full month with her.

She even held my hand after a short distance, and I let her, thinking nothing of it except I was flattered and that it was cute.

I’m wondering about attachment and transference with the therapist and the idea of escape and fantasy? How much do you think your strong feelings, constant thoughts, desires to be with your therapist are a way to escape from your present life? I wonder if the transference serves another purpose than to show us our wounds and/or past experiences, but is a present coping strategy for managing what we don’t want to face (even if unconsciously) in the present—-current relationships, life circumstances, etc. Can anyone relate to this concept of escape in relation to their therapy relationship? How does this play out for you?

And It would have been inappropriate no matter her circumstances, as I was barely shy of 19.

At least he said stuff when he was home… He worked a lot more and was gone a lot more now than before. I figured out that he was going half crazy over the situation and not dealing with it well.

We even had a few “dates”, almost like she had asked me. (Just without the sex part.) And I actually enjoyed the putt-putt golf and movies and stuff we did together.

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Was our ‘relationship’ really INAPPROPRIATE ???

Her death wreaked havoc in her family as well. Her mom and dad divorced 2 years later and moved away with her younger brothers.

Inappropriate but understandable…

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I cried like a baby at her grave. And I was so mad at the world. I still have a hard heart about her being taken so young.

A week later I told her that I had thought about it. I told her I didn’t think she and I should be doing anything like that due to the age thing. I explained she should wait til she was older and maybe do that with her husband, or at least a guy she was dating or in love with.

She had fun at the events, and I didn’t feel too weird about doing it.

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I think her mom really understood why I spent so much time with her, and was glad I kept her mind off things. And maybe I even brought her happiness.

I would delete it but I already wrote it and don’t like wasting efforts.

I neither know or care.

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I “dated” his 14-year-old daughter when I was 18/19.

When I asked what she meant by that, she told me she heard her mom and dad talking about me and my dates and knew what they were saying. She said she wanted us to ‘go parking’ and ‘have sex’. And she said she knew what she was saying, had thought about it a lot, and had decided that she wanted her first time to be with me.

When we got back to her house she went to her room and didn’t come out the rest of the time I was there. Her mom checked on her before I left, and just came back and told her dad she was crying. But they didn’t seem too worried about it.

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Her dad just made jokes about how he was gonna feel really weird if I got married to his daughter in a few years, and stuff like that. He rarely said anything about her illness that wasn’t about “when she gets better.”

She made me swear and promise. I did.

We went for a short walk around the complex.

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We talked about casual normal stuff, and she brought up the dance and how much fun she had.

Why was she even wanting to do such a thing?? Especially with me. And more especially at her age. It made no sense.

It unnerved me terribly. I was in shock, but stammered out that I’d think about it. It was the only thing I could think to say.

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I found out the following month what was really going on, and it still hurts me today, almost 40 years later.

She only made it 2 weeks past her 15th birthday party, and she was too weak and sick to really enjoy that.

I don’t regret turning down her offer. She wasn’t mentally ‘straight’ enough to even make a decision like that. Lord knows what she was going through in her head.

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We would hold hands and ‘cuddle’, and I even let her kiss me when she wanted to. But the main thing we would do is sit with me holding and hugging her, mostly at her house watching TV with her family.

I really couldn’t understand why she would ask ME to do that with her. WHY ME ??

She was really hurt, and wouldn’t speak to me for a month. Even actively avoided me.

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I said sure.

Sorry people. I don’t know why I even shared that here this morning.

She fought hard, did all the right treatments. But she never had a sweet 16 party.

We had repaired our relationship. She began to talk to me and even almost returned to how we were before, and I was glad.

When we got to the corner and turned to head back, she stopped and asked if she could ask me about something without me ever telling her parents.

After her 14th birthday party, she came over to me and asked if we could talk. In private.

Imagine my shock when she said that she wanted to go on a ‘real date’ with me, and that she wanted me to treat her just like I had my other girlfriends.

My friend helped me understand better what she was going through mentally, and I came away understanding that when she had asked me to do such a naughty thing with her she probably just wanted to ‘experience life’ and do things that she maybe wouldn’t get to do later in life.

I told a close and trusted older friend about what she had wanted me to do with her a few years later. She put it all into perspective for me really easy. I felt a little stupid it wasn’t obvious to me.